Even so
by annalang
Summary: There must be true love between Lucius and Voldemort,but one of them is the dark lord and the other one is a really rich success powerful wizard, the relationship must be complex. The relationship is real, reasonable and mature.
1. Chapter 1

MY AU

This is a different world of the original.

In this new world, after the last war, Snape is still alive but unconscious. And there is a horcruxes which nobody knows in Malfoy's manor.

Draco found Snape in The Shrieking Shack.

Summary:

Lucius's rough life after the war.

He miss his Lord

Chapter 1

"Do you want my wand?"

Even everybody firmly believe that wizard who can not be named for quite long time is dead, Lucius still have some illusion that the Dark Lord is alive, and sometimes he can feel about him. At night, he always have some dream that is nearly his real memory but a little bit difference. For example, in his dream, the Dark Lord whispered to him with a biting smile. He said:"Do you want my wand, Lucius?"

Sometimes Lucius blames those dream to his rough life after the war, as a matter of fact, he lost his nobiliary life since the moment he met that man, Voldemort. But at that time, he still has family and some reputation. Now the only thing he has is a old, small and dilapidated manor. He can't live in Malfoy Manor. That place is no longer belonged to him any more. What he had done is not enough for put him into Azkaban but it is definitely sufficient to banish him from his home to this rebarbative and creepy house. In this place, there is no house elfs. That house is his personal prison. And nobody cares what he feel, what he want, or weather he is alive or not. And in his opinion, this kind of life makes him nervousness and brings all the strange dream, the dream about Voldemort.

At the cold midnight, the moonlight is bright and clear. That makes him feels so lonely and remind of someone. He is not sure why he remember so many things of that person since he almost forgot everything in his old live, but that wizard, he just can't forget. His smile, his lips, his fingers and his voice, all those memories about that wizard take over Lucius's mind. He is afraid to figure out the reason but indeed, he fairly enjoys those memories, those details about that wizard he used to ignore.

I miss him.

This thought make Lucius terrified but cheerful. He do miss that man who is so powerful and strong. And he thinks if that man shows now, the first thing he might do is kissing him. Yes, he wants to kiss him, not his robe. He will kiss his pales lips and make them bleed. But he can't, that man who has a really nice pretty lips was dead, totally dead. In fact he even didn't leave a body. He just became the ash and vanished from sight in front of Lucius's face just like a clumsy tricks.

Notes:

Because english is not my first language, so there must be some mistakes of grammar. So is there anybody want help me do the beta read? I will very appreciate of that.

And I will be very happy if you left some comments.


	2. Chapter 2

Midnight, Lucius can't fall asleep and he tries to blame the moonlight. He told himself that the moonlight is so bright nearly saintly and that makes him uncomfortable to sleep. He would never admit that the reason makes him so upset to sleep is a bad dream that the man he thought of early was smiling to him and asked him did he miss him in his dream. He understand it is only a dream but the man smiling to him was so real, which frightened him. Lucius leans on the bedpost. The cold tactile impression clears his mind. He eyes to the shadow which is not supposed to hide anything. The completely darkness gives him some comfort of his nightmare.

"You are afraid to think about me, aren't you, Lucius?"

At the moment he just feels safe to back to sleep, the voice suddenly breaks his self-deceit. He immediately realizes he is not alone and the worst thing is he had that dream for reason which seems impossibility but authentic that the man who he missed but was afraid of is here. He doesn't know why but he knows that man cloud do that even he would never figure out how. But there are some strange feelings coming to his head which he can't tell distinct.

"Yes. The thought that you still cross my mind makes me shame and terrified. At this moment you and I seem both agree one truth that you are the man I just had a nightmare about. But the fact is I really don't know who you are at all, because the man in my memory dead several months ago. And now, you, who refuse to show yourself and hide in the shadow, are not him, in my opinion, unless you let me see you."

"Oh, Lucius."  
>The voice if that man in dark is clear and graceful, like always, but the words comes to his mouth is not that pleasing. He questions:"Don't you think your manner of speaking is kind of disrespectful to talk with me?"<p>

As far back as the first second Lucius heard the voice of him he realized that he might offended him even far, he will infuriate him, but he decided to ignored that. Now the world has changed. The war ended and everybody became different especially him. Even if this man is the Dark Lord, there is nothing he can do besides hiding and making sure nobody could find him. And himself, Lucius Malfoy, he is house arresting here and has nothing to lose in the whole world. His family no longer belongs to him anymore, and he lost his wife, his son, his friend, even though they still alive and have the better life than him. He is not allowed to see anyone. Just holding here, all alone, without family, friend, fame and fortune, he, a man doesn't brave enough to end his own life, is willing to do something he had never tried like contradicting his lord's order.

"You seems becoming more interesting, Lucius."  
>The man walks away form the shadow and stands in front of Lucius. The moonlight illuminates his face. And to Lucius pleasantly surprised, his face is so prefect like the old time. That pretty face with an equivocal smile gazes to him and says:"You make me curious, nice, Lucius."<p>

Notes:

if you like my story, leave some comments to let me know. and if you can't put up with my grammar, also let me know and I will try my best to do better.  
>I know my grammar is sucks, but I am working on it.<br>And thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Lucius told himself he has nothing to lose so there is no need to be afraid of anyone, especially The Lord Voldemort. But at the moment he saw his lord, he deeply feels fear and can't help himself to kneel down to the side of his lord's feet. Suddenly he realizes he will never overcome the fear of that man, even this world no longer belongs to darkness and that man just like him, abandoned from time. But still, fear, is flooding mind and he couldn't say a single word, even though something really irreverent just came from his mouth few minutes ago. He doesn't want to image what will happen next, so he just keeps his eyes to the floor and praying soundless with knowing clearly that praying always useless.

"Well, Lucius, why don't you say something? I am hoping you can tell me something beyonds my expectation, and don't you tell me you have nothing but respect and love to me causing I just heard a lot you said unexpected and amusing."

"Please forgive me, my lord. I am not sure that is you, and all of my rough days lets me learn that I must be careful to make sure my behavior won't give anybody a reason to make my life harder."

"Oh, Lucius, my Lucius, that really pleases me. I am sure you still remember that you betrayed me, and look what you got, treating as hero and living in a magnificent house? I have to say your condition satisfies me, indeed."

The lord of darkness shows a really bright smile, and he lift up Lucius's head to force his eyes on him. He gazes the face of that beautiful man, and he found his disloyal servant truly experienced a lot. But he is not a kind man easily moving by a faithless man's pitiful life, so he decides to make Lucius feels worse. He says:"Tell me you don't hope I come back, my poor turncoat."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

At the moment Lucius heard that voice, always bringing him fear but also hope, for a really long time, at least, he realized it it the time to finish his dull, isolated, peaceful life. Whenever, and wherever, as long as this man alive, the world will never be tranquil, and his life, oh his life, must be considerable interesting since he betray that man once, furthermore, he just offend him, again. He falls on his knees before the Dark Lord, with obvious tremble, which evident pleases his lord.

"Well, my dear Lucius, if you are confused what you are supposed to say to me without getting you killed soon, I will be willing to pick a theme for you. Why don't you tell me about the feeling when you forsake your belief of me and turned to the other side?"

Listening to the Dark Lord, that pretty, blond, old man is struggle. He doesn't want to submit to Voldemort, again, causing he want to make some different this has been firmly convinced by a truth that Voldemort would not come back anymore for a really long time, since he watched that man disappeared. But now, he is back, and without any chance to find him is an imposter, at the first moment he saw this man, he just know he is real, and he is the Dark Lord, Voldemort. He just know.

Lucius doesn't know how to do. For a long time, the fear of Voldemort made him can not resist anything the Dark Lord said even he was no long agree with him lord, he still can't. That fear is carved in his bones and blood, but now, even though he is still shaking, he looks directly to those red eyes, with a smile, and he says:"I am not sure what the feeling is, but I felt relieved when I resisted you, or betrayed you. I can live as myself, a independent person, not your vassal. Yes, I know, the way you see me in this condition, a miserable man not owning anything in the world. That is true, but I don't regret to make that decision and I understand what I just say may infuriate you, might you will kill me, but..."

But the Dark Lord just look at Lucius's grey eyes with a strange emotion which lucius can not tell. And he says:"so, Lucius, tell me, just tell me you don't aspire me back for a spilt second."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The question coming up with the Dark Lord are always difficult to answer, indeed, some of them just no way to give an appropriate answer, like this one. Lucius doesn't know if there is a correct way to tell Voldemort that he do hope him back. It is a dangerous idea letting the Dark Lord know that in the deep of his mind, he just couldn't forget those years, before everything has changed. And he is not sure if that Voldemort still keep those memory.

Voldemort, The Lord of darkness, one of the most powerful wizards, used to be a sagacious leader who aspired to build a better world for all the wizards and witches. And at that time, when he first saw this man sitting in his throne, he truly wanted to take a part in his side to help him to achieve his ambition. But things changed. That man dead, and after a long decade passing, he was reborn. But almost everyone can tell that the Dark Lord is no longer the old one. He changed, not to a good way, in fact, losing his mind and became a cruel and crazy man.

With a long hesitation, Lucius sighs and decides to tell the truth. He has no reason to lie to this man since he has nothing to lose, so, he gazes at that red eyes on a pretty face and says:"I can't deny that I dream you back, not for a split second, but several time. I clearly realized it is so wrong and dangerous to dream something about you, but I can not help myself to stop dreaming. For a long time, I am afraid to sleep because I am so scared I would see you smile and tell me you back, which unexpectedly makes me happy. And to be honestly, both you and me understand that once you come back, you won't be nice to me, cause you will never forgive me of my betrayal. But I do, I do want you alive, and I pictured the moment when we meet again after the war, in my mind. I miss you. And I think you will never figure out the reason I miss you so badly, but, I can tell you, right now, at least at this moment, that I am glad you are here, alive, or part of you is alive."

Before he starts talking, Lucius doesn't have any hope that Voldemort could take what he just say. In fact, he was quite sure Voldemort would interrupt his long and meaningless monologue by some malicious taunt, but he let him finish his speech and did not show any rage, for now. They just fall into a long silence. Lucius is trying to avoiding Voldemort's sight. He always considers he would never take those word out of his mouth, much less let that man know. He is so worried, worrying his lord find out his lamentable and ridiculous feelings about him. He is trying so hard to forget those feelings almost lasting his whole life. But that feeling just won't go. And he has to admit that, when he was young, he had a crush on his lord.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Lucius is nervous now. He can't see what his lord is thinking about, and he is afraid of a furious Dark Lord. Although he has nothing to lose now, not like old times, and death is not that fearful to him, it doesn't mean he is willing to be killed by a resurgent' s wand, especially by Voldemort. So, he decides to make some noisy to break this silence.

"Now, you got my answer, and what is the next, a crucio?"

"Well, I don't know, but if you want a crucio, Lucius, I don't mind to help you."

It is so ironic Voldemort mention that, the crucio, but at this moment, Lucius don't want to argue this with his lord. He has more important things to discuss with him, like the future, if he has a future. And Lucius notices his lord is smiling, or it is just a smirk. He is used to looking at his pale and bloodcurdling face without nose, and now, the new Voldemort, it is just too handsome and somehow, he loses his caution. He knows it is wrong, but looking at this face, just like the old Tom, just a little bit aged, he has too much feelings. He never move on that stupid crush about his lord, he finally realized.

"I assume you will keep the secret that I am alive, Lucius."

"I am not sure if I can do this."

"Why is it? Lucius, nobody visits you, if you remember that. So why make you not sure about keeping a secret? Are you expect someone, maybe another tailor, Severus? It is really shame that he didn't die."

"How do you even know that?"

"Well, Lucius, like I said, you are more interesting now. Of course I know, I am always here, everyday, watching you, watching you sleeping, eating, reading. And I read all you letters. I am here, and now, I let you see me, then you see me. And once someday I don't like that, you won't find me again. So, my lovely servant, tell, how do you tell people I am here, when even you can't find me again?"

The Dark Lord is cruel, and that never change. He leans forward to Lucius and put his wand near to Lucius's face,"You has no choice, except showing your allegiance to me. Nobody believes you. You are a liar who had told many lies before, and you are a Death Eater, and a tailor. So, my loyal followers hate you, and those good people hate you. Your son, or your wife? Pulling them to endless dilemma is what you want?"

"No, I won't do it,again. I've done that before, leading them to follow you, and I almost ruined Malfoy. "

For some reason, Lucius decides to against his lord this time. He is despairing, drowning in his memories, sorrowfully. He has a lot of memories about Voldemort, and he is afraid of to recollect them, but now, those memories is flooding into his mind, strong, flesh, and just like yesterday. He hesitates, trying to make a point. And he realizes Voldemort stop playing his, then he heard his voice.

"Oh, my dear Lucius, I almost forget. The truth is maybe you will find me even I decide to disappear. You can find me in your dream, can't you? I am genuinely curious why you dream about you, a lot. I heard you whisper my name in your dream, and like I said, I am always here."


End file.
